Entry #13 Denial

kissing in twiglight

Dear Journal,

Jack has been so sweet.  Though we seem to spend a lot of time at the beach lately, we have not talked about our sailing trip and it has been over three weeks since that day. One way or another we usually end up taking long walks and then watch the sun set a few afternoons a week on the days he gets off early and picks me up after school. During those times, Jack has shared a lot about his childhood and the horrors he experienced. I feel that I understand him more now. But I still am not exactly sure what  happened that day. I know he said it was the rope and line thing but seriously?  I’d love to talk to him some more about it so that we can avoid whatever upset him. Though he seems so be happy to have it behind us and I’m not sure how it would go over if I brought it up now.  I told him I forgave him, and I do, and bringing it up might seem like I don’t and so I have not said anything.

I still have to admit that I love our time together. Nothing is ruined. If anything, it has brought us closer. There has never been anyone who makes me feel the way Jack makes me feel and he tells me all the time that I am his first love. We talk about our dreams and plans and what we want to do and even about our children. I know it seems silly. We are still young and I have so much that I still want to do.  When I was telling Jack about my dreams of wanting to travel and write in exotic places he got kind of quiet. It was so cute. When I asked him what was wrong, he said that he was jealous. When I’d imagined going, I’d never really planned to bring someone else along, at least in my dreams. But he looked so sad and I told him that of course he could come too and he cheered right up!

I am starting to try to figure out how to afford a car. I want to get a job but I have long days at school and then well, I don’t want to give up my time with Jack.  When my mom doesn’t give me the car, Jack picks me up. They are rationing gas now and they are allowing 0nly the cars with license plates ending in odd numbers to fill up on certain days and the ones that end in even numbers to fill up on others. You have to get there really early in the morning so I have to leave two hours earlier than usual and go sit in line when we need gas in my mom’s car. It’s okay cuzzz I just do my homework while I am waiting. So my mom lets me have the car a lot more often latelybecause she says she’s not going to wait in line for two hours.

I go to a Dental School called SCROC this year after lunch, that is giving me extra credits and we don’t’ get out until 4PM so I get the car more often because my mom doesn’t want to have to stop what she’s doing  and come and pick me up. I can take the bus to and from everything but she would still have to come and pick me up on the days that Jack can’t so she just lets me have her car but I have a feeling my dad is thinking of getting me one of my own. Sometimes Jack will pick me up and we will hang out at the gas station where he works after hours. He has a little Triumph Spitfire and is always complaining about the rearend going out so is constantly tinkering on it. Sometimes he jacks me up on the hydraulic lift while I do my homework in the car.

car up on hydralics

My parents have met Jack but I try not to make a big deal about us going out because I think they’d worry if they really knew how much time we were really spending together. On the days that Jack opens, he gets off earlier than me and so I take the bus to school and then he picks me up. My parents don’t seem to mind and I think my mom likes having her car available for errands at least a few days a week and so it has worked out so far and they seemed to have liked him when they met him. Though they wouldn’t have been very happy if they knew anything about the sailing trip or that we spend a lot of time at Jack’s dad’s place before he gets home.

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6 thoughts on “Entry #13 Denial

  1. I need to go back and read your journal to find out where you live (rationing the gas), but I will say just a bit for you to consider… may not fit in your situation, but….
    When guys are jealous before you marry them or become committed to them, they usually (not always), but usually become very controlling once they have you. I’ve had friends whose husbands wouldn’t let them go anywhere alone or even talk on the phone. Just be careful, while jealousy is sweet now, and you (not you personally) like the fact that he wants you alone…. things always amplify after marriage, unless its something nice like back-rubs… LOL

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