Journal Entry #25 The Soul Never Forgets

notebooks

 

Dear Journal

I went exactly four days before I gave in. Sorry to give you the spoiler before I tell you the story but I kind of have to start at the end and then go back to the beginning because I haven’t written here for a while.

k

composition book

Side note:

*You see, as I enter my writings here on this thing we call a computer, several days and sometimes weeks may have gone by in the journals I have found and am working from, so please bear with me…

Back in the days when these were written, there were no computer documents, and files were just the ones they used to keep in a drawer. The stack and stacks of books that I have here are all different, some are leather bound, some are just those black and white composition notebooks, the ones still sold in the stationery section of most drugstores. They were all dated and most were initialed by Mrs. Walker and handed back.  A few continued long after Mrs. Walker’s classes ended but not all were kept. I am thinking that we tend to try to throw out all traces of what hurt us….  so that may be why there are gaps and why it is confusing and why I must work from memory here because…..

some things a soul can never forget. Not even many decades later).

composition pile of          more to come….

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15 thoughts on “Journal Entry #25 The Soul Never Forgets

    • Louise,
      I learned that over the last few years. And really have forgiven and let go.
      I feel that I’ve always had a message to tell. To warn young girls before they start dating to run like the wind at the first sign of a temper and to let others know that they are not alone if they are involved with someone already. I felt I had no one to talk to and that I was the only one going through what I was going through… I understand that your story is far different than mine and the violence that I went through was not as blatant as what you experienced, but the game playing and emotional abuse and manipulation has affected me to TODAY…. I guess… here…. I am still playing around with how I want to tell my story….
      Thank you for your light!!!!
      xoxo
      k
      aka
      di 😉

    • Sandra,
      You nailed it when you added the word “try”
      I think purging is so healthy and yet I am finding this little lesson in going back and dealing with what happened, as helpful as letting go may be in some instances.
      Thank you for reading! Your faithfulness means a lot!

    • Carol,
      Those are words that every writer wants to hear! And ones I needed to read today! Thank you for the inspiration and always being such a loyal and faithful reader here! It means more than you know!
      xoxo
      k
      😉

  1. The soul never does forget and I have often wished I hadn’t thrown away my writings on some of the things that hurt most. Go figure that later in life we wish we could remember what we didn’t choose to once upon a time.

    • Debbie,
      Yeah it sucks. I guess that is where I get to lean on the side of fiction. But 97% is pretty much inspired by memory/fact. It has been a bittersweet journey back for me. And your idea to take the journal form approach has been amazing therapy.

  2. K…I agree that there are some things the soul can never forget…There are just some scars that leave us bound up and unable to live authentically. I want you to know that you are SAFE. It is okay for you to revisit – and to remember because you are surrounded by love. You are physically healing your body which allows your soul the freedom to express it’s authentic self. Keep digging…keep remembering…keep writing…keep loving! Blessitude

    • Lorrie,
      It is so funny, I came on here to write a negative poem. I had a really bad week at work and then I came on here and found all these wonderful supportive comments and feels so blessed.
      Thank you so much for your words. They are like gifts that I am unwrapping!!!!
      I have to share something with you, a few years ago I was thinking of something that happened (not shared in this journal yet) and I was in the shower which weirdly is where I do my best praying and deepest thinking (perhaps cuz there is no white noise I can hide in and I have to deal with things.) Anyway, I was thinking about one of the times of abuse that got really physical and remembered the blows and kind of crumpled in the shower crying and in my head thinking … you really hurt me… I don’t mean hurt my feelings… I mean physically really hurt me. So it IS comforting to read your words. I don’t think that I ever allowed myself to feel the pain until these last few years of being IN the moments again. There is a twist to all this which will be a surprise for everyone. Thank you again for reading!
      xoxo
      k
      aka
      di

      • Hi Di…I am sorry you had a bad week. I recently had one as well and I am so happy that you were surrounded with such support that it changed your energy! That is the key, I think, to recognize the energy. I know it is easy to recognize the bad…at least it is for me because that was the majority in my life. But to be able to “reset” through love for ourselves, by ourselves and by others…is such a gift!
        Funny…The shower is also a place for me of great introspection. I had a huge flashback of abuse once that to remember as I write has the ability to cause a major panic attack. But on the other side I have also done some of my best writing with inspiration received in the shower! I guess it is a balance.
        Much love to you while you work through revisiting this journey! Blessitude ~Lorrie

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