Dear Journal #28 Adult Children of Alcoholics

Dear Journal,

I love my new job! The kids are so great! Kathy, the teacher that I am assisting is amazing.

school class

She lives in Newport Beach, right on the water with her gorgeous husband.  John Wayne’s boat is docked just a few boat docks away from their’s.


I have signed up for college at Harbor and am taking a full load at night. I am going to major in Speech Pathology! My dad seemed so proud of me. I was surprised. I didn’t think he cared if I went to college. Jack also said that he was proud too, but he complained when I told him that I have classes every night but Fridays. He didn’t seem too happy about that. So on Friday nights I’ve started to bring him dinner. He is still working at night, at the job my dad got him in the basement of the City Hall and runs the city’s payroll there and then works at Amber Oil a few days a week with his mom (when she shows up.) THAT is another story for another day! But I don’t think that is going to last for too much longer!

The fact that we see each other much less than we used to seems to have helped in one way and yet put more pressure on us in a totally different way. Jack has been talking about looking for a place. It is too hard for us to be alone at his dad’s or at my house and he is really getting more pushy about sex. Even thought I keep telling him that I want to wait until we are married. But I have to admit that we both get pretty carried away at those Friday night breaks.

kiss kiss

Since we are the only ones in the building at night, and there is a lock on the computer room door, Jack usually eats the dinner I bring after I leave and takes his dinner break with me. Maybe it is a little longer than he might normally get if he had the day shift! But his boss told him that as long as he was there in case something went wrong, he didn’t care what he did as long as the work got done. At first it all startes with just  kissing  and then we started messing around a little more each time until we ended up on the office floor!

kissing on the floor

His mom kept bugging me to go to her doctor and so I did get birth control. Liz and I have become good friends but I still find it a little creepy that she talks about sex with me considering it is her son that is the subject. So now I have birth control pills but I’m not taking them because I don’t plan on needing them. There are other things we can do. Which she also talked to me about and I changed the subject. That was way too much information from my boyfriend’s mom! I think she tries to be a parent but I am beginning to realize that she just doesn’t think the same way all the moms I know do.

Liz is different than anyone I have ever known. A few months ago, we went out with her dad and his wife. She was treating them for their anniversary and wanted us to come along to drive. I am not sure what happened but someone said something to tick her off, I think it was her dad. Well, she just flipped out. The thing is, my parents never fight. I just am not used to adults being so crazy. I just wanted to slide under the table. Jack  paid the bill and then wrote down his grandparent’s address for me and told me he’d call a cab and asked if I could stay and go with them and make sure that they got home okay and then have  the driver take me to his mom’s. He handed me a couple twenties and guided his mom out of the door. I just sat there staring at this old couple that I barely knew and started apologizing. I’m not sure why I was apologizing, but I couldn’t help it. They just looked so miserable and helpless. But somehow, I kind of think that this wasn’t their first big scene that they’d experienced with their daughter.

taxi sign


It is hard for me to look back and remember the details, I think that I have already blocked that night out of my head. Though I am kind of proud that I was able to navigate everyone to the places that we were supposed to be and help Jack. I feel bad for him. He keeps trying to create these normal family times and they always seem to backfire. I think he thought that his mom was doing better. She was on a new medication and showing up to work pretty regularly but she was not supposed to be drinking. I personally don’t think that she can go OUT and not drink. I also think that we shouldn’t have gone to a place that she used to go with Richard.

dancing out

When she ordered that first drink, I saw Jack tense up. By the third drink, I think we both knew that we were in trouble.



5 thoughts on “Dear Journal #28 Adult Children of Alcoholics

    • Thank you… I am trying to paint the dynamics here and where Jack came from. We didn’t have a fighting chance. The problem was that denial and just lack of GETTING it back then, played a big part of allowing the abuse that snuck up like a mack truck! If only we could share our stories so that the light bulbs would go off in young girls in the middle of their own abuse. People have shared with me that they relate to my poetry. I am praying that somehow they can see themselves in our stories and stop the craziness and become empowered sooner than we did!
      Not sure you saw this one… but if you have the time…

    • Thanks Deb!!!
      That means a lot! Funny this was all your idea. I seem to be able to remember and write on a different realm in this venue. Can’t stop thanking you!

      • You need to stop saying it was my idea! It is all you and your beautiful style of telling the story. I merely suggested another vehicle. xo 🙂 Now I am curious to know if you plan and writing the whole journal here or when the heck are you going to publish it into a book?

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