The One That Got Away

sad break up

It all seems like a dream now,

you finding me, all these years later,

trying to pull back the years from yesterday.

I let you in, I closed my eyes and jumped.

All the years in-between vanished.

It was just you and me in that moment,

skin against skin, hearts beating, raging, stopping.

breathing, tasting, rushing.

Breathless memories crashing, youth returning.

Falling in love with each other or just the past?

Never really truly knowing.

And the struggle between the reality and the fantasy,

well it never let us hang on tight enough.

You slipped away just as quickly as you appeared,

beyond all of my values and morals and what people might say.

I allowed you in.

Why?

Maybe because I still loved you.

Maybe because I hated you so much for hurting me

that I wanted you to know what you lost,

What you could have had,

What you didn’t fight for all those years ago,

And maybe it was a little of both

Maybe it is just nice to know now  that there is someone out there…

someone wanting me,

that believes that I was the one that got away.

Advertisements

Indiscretions

computer instant message

Indiscretions

Like a scent that stills my soul, you come into my life.

You knock upon my door, though I’m someone else’s wife.

My morals have been tempted, as you hold the only key,

slowly giving back pieces of the younger parts of me.

couple riding piggy back

They fall like a puzzle, in a pile at my feet

As I watch a stranger plan with you, how we both will meet.

My life becomes a web of lies, as I crave to smell again,

the scent that led me, into this dangerous lion’s den.

hugging3

We do the dance for months, until I close the door,

telling you I just can’t be this stranger anymore.

And so I return to the life where I feel that I belong.

I ask you to move on and tell you to be strong.

computer man at night

And yet I know you linger, and you are watching me.

Sometimes I wonder, if my heart will ever be set free.

For that scent is on our skin, from all those years ago,

I still smell it every now and then, and  needed you to know.

Diane Reed

2014©

girl staring at computer screen

Can I Call You?

computer instant message

 

One late night when Keri was up in her study working on her book, she heard an Instant Message notification and switched her screen to the Internet and saw Jack’s name and an invitation to chat. Keri thought for a minute. Face book messages and emails seemed harmless but there was something so much more personal about Instant Messages, it was almost like a phone call. Keri leaned her head in her hands and then looked up again and without really thinking it through typed back “Hi”

computer man at night

At first the conversation was formal and then slowly they started a back and forth banter asking each other a lot of do you remembers. And then Jack talked about his work and shared that he attributed all of his success for the foot in the door her father had given him all those years ago. He said he’d never even known about computers and how they were his life now. He shared how successful he was and Keri’s heart felt a tug and typed back; “He would be so proud of you.” And Jack shared about how he called when her father died and Keri typed back “Really?” I never knew!!” Jack replied, “Yeah you were married by then, and your mom answered the phone and was pretty distraught and the conversation was just short and sweet. But I got the message.” Keri sat there as her mind re-winded. So many emotions filled her at that moment. And then Keri typed. “I’ve always felt guilty about your mom.” Jack shot back, “Why?!” Keri shared how she always felt that he’d felt that she’d caused him not to go and save her, that if he went sooner, he would have found her in time. “Oh baby, he typed, I never felt that way! Years later my dad shared with me in a counseling session that mom attempted suicide seventeen times!” Keri felt a flood of emotions and a rush of relief. It was almost as if a physical weight lifted. Tears filled her eyes. She’d carried this burden for all of these years and she could finally let it go.

phone message2

Jack typed. “Can I call you?” Keri froze. And typed back. “Jack, what are we doing?” But then typed in her phone number. And then her phone rang. “Hi” Keri answered. “Hi” Jack said in a rich male voice that gave her a funny feeling. “You sound so different but the same!” Keri said. “You sound exactly the same.” He replied warmly. “I was never going to give you my phone number she said.” He smiled and said “I already had it. You forgot to erase one of your signatures in the very beginning of one of our letters to each other but then you started erasing them so I figured you’d forgotten to erase the one I saw.” She felt her face grow red. “Well yeah, I guess I needed to trust that you weren’t going to do something crazy.” He laughed.

Soon they began texting and he began calling her regularly. She never called him nor initiated any of the texts at first but she’d answer and somehow convinced herself that she was just answering him and doing anything wrong. But she knew that she was stretching boundary lines and it had all become addicting. She’d been caught off guard for this need for the attention he was giving her. Though, she knew that it would take only one more step to fall down the rabbit hole and she was holding on for dear life.

************************

To be continued….