#29 On my own


Dear Journal,

It’s been a while since I handed in my last Journal entry to Mrs. Walker but for some reason I am still writing in you. I think that she would be pleased to know that I didn’t quit after she gave me my last A! So I bet when I titled this “On my own” you might have thought that meant Jack and I were no longer together but it is just the opposite and so much has happened.

for rent

We’ve been looking for a place to rent for a while now and trying to fit soaring in, on top of everything else. We both soloed and Jack took home movies of my whole flight.

sail plane tow

Later we showed my dad who had not been very happy about me doing it at all but when he saw the movies he went down to see what it was all about with Jack and me and signed up for lessons. It makes me so happy because he is a workaholic and the people at the glider port are so nice and will be good for him.

I also have signed up for some modeling classes at a school and my mom said that they would pay for half and Jack said that he’d pay for  the other half for my birthday! I am so excited. The classes are every Friday afternoon which I have off from both work and school and still have time to bring Jack  “dinner” on Friday nights. He really was supportive about it. I have learned make up and runway and now we are working on the commericial classes. I have three left and will be done. The school has an agency and they said that if I get pictures and a portfolio they know that they can get me work.


Jack has been so sweet and supportive and it is so funny whenever I drive anywhere he says it turns him on that I can drive a stick shift and that he knows that I can do anything  now that he knows that I taught myself. I told him that he gave me the basics and I just took it from there. I am going away for a week at the end of June with Kathy and our class to summer camp. I can’t wait. Jack wasn’t happy at all when I first told him but he has come around and is going to take me to school the morning that we leave and then pick me up when we come home. The school has Sunshine Coaches that the Variety Club donated to us that we will be driving up there in, and we need to be there by 6AM on that Monday morning and will be back Saturday afternoon.

sunshine coach2

I told Jack that I could just drive myself and leave my car at the school but he insisted that he drop me off and seemed a little hurt thinking that I didn’t want him to bring me. I told him that I just wanted to save him having to get up so early because after all, it is almost an hour away to just get to the school so he is going to have to get up super early but he said that I even suggested that he wouldn’t take me hurt his feelings, so I didn’t argue. I am just happy we didn’t get into a fight over any of it. But I kind of have a feeling that he really doesn’t want me to go.

sad man silloette


Dear Journal Entry #23 Catching up!!!!

Dear Journal,

Liz is back at work and seems to be doing better. I was able to help her get caught up or should I say, had been keeping up with most of her  duties along with mine, so she didn’t have so much to do when she returned. She seemed grateful and pretty surprised. I think that she thought that she was going to come back to a huge mess.

woman sitting at typewriter

I  think that Richard stays on his boat some nights and at their house other nights but they laugh and joke in the office like old friends so it’s nice to  feel the positive change, which has taken some of the pressure off of Jack who always seems to feel as if he has to shoulder the burden of whatever is going on with his mom. He shared more stories  with me about how he received scholarships to go away to two schools and his mom called him both times with emergencies interrupting his semesters, causing him to lose a bunch of credits during both school years. It made me so angry to hear that. It made it a little easier for me to tell her about my job at TheSpeech and Language Develpment School in Buena Park but she sounded so happy for me. Happier then Jack seemed to be. She was so nice when I told her that I had to leave that  I felt a little guilty. Not that I would have stayed longer at Amber Oil, school was starting and it was all supposed to be temporary anyway, but I did learn a lot and I could even have more work experience credits if I needed them, which I don’t! If I took a test, I could probably graduate this month!

I do have some exciting news to catch you up on! My dad came home about a month ago, with a new job possibility for Jack! He is one of the Vice Presidents of Marketing at his computer company in El Segundo and he said that there was an entry level computer operator opening there and I know Jack was touched that my dad would even think of him. And I was happy because I think maybe he was thinking about our future together! Anyway, I wasn’t sure that Jack would even be interested. I mean, he’d never even talked about computers and he was already working for his mom and Richard. But he did seem interested and took the card he gave him and decided to apply and he got the job! My dad just told him that no one but Jack’s bosses boss knew his relationship to my dad and he was to keep it that way!

business card

Jack was so serious and cute and shook my dad’s hand and said “Yes sir.” I laughed so hard later mimicking him. So now he still works for Amber Oil three days a week in the day doing sales and Monday through Thursday nights from 3 to 12 he will work at CSCC!. He is so excited and wants to go back to college to finish his degree in Computer Sciences and my dad seemed so proud and came home the other day and said he heard good reports so far and to keep up the good work.

shaking hands2

We took a drive that night to go celebrate everything while it was still getting dark later. Earlier that summer, we’d found this spot on the cliffs nearby, where we’d watch the sun set and sometimes even watched it rise on the days we’d wake up early enough in the summer when my parents were out of town and it was really warm outside. Jack would pick me up and we’d pile up a bunch of blankets and pillows in the car and go up there when it was still dark.  It was so fun kind of like camping out just waiting for the sun with a thermos of coffee. Half the time we’d  miss  it because we’d get caught up in kissing or whatever else we happened to be doing and lie half naked, tangled up in each other, on the top of the hill looking up at the stars,  as we could hear the waves breaking below.

kissing on the beach

Journal Entry #21 My Summer Job

Dear Journal,

I feel the tension in the air. On Friday nights I have found myself sitting on my floor typing out invoices that I can’t get done at work because I am doing Liz’s job too. I am not sure what is going on. The first month, she was there everyday and was such a wonderful teacher. She said I was a fast learner and Jack seemed so proud. I guess that is a good thing because she hasn’t been IN a lot this month.

writing matters

She has not been feeling well and not been coming in. Richard seems very sad. This company was his mom’s and once when we were talking he told me that sometimes he just wants to go find a broom pushing job and be done with it all. He says he is tired. I felt so bad for him. He just wanted someone to talk to so I stopped and listened and let him talk and he poured his heart out. I wasn’t sure what to say because I’ve never really heard my parent’s fight. But he just seemed happy to have someone to talk to. He just sat there with his hands folded on his desk looking so lost.

hands folded on desk

He said he doesn’t care about the money or the houses or the cars and boats anymore and that he would be happy living on his sailboat that he has docked at the Marina or just a small room somewhere.

sailboat docked2

He just wants to go anywhere where there is not fighting.  Jack seems worried and pretty stressed out and doesn’t seem so happy at work anymmore either. I think that he just wants a normal family so bad and so believed that if we all worked together it would all magically be okay. But it’s not. Like I said, Liz has been a good teacher but I am afraid that I can only do so much. It is pretty busy and one of the truckers that works for Richard  has come in to help me, but for the most part. I am alone in the office and somedays I just want to cry. I think Jack has come into the office a few times when I was just about to, and sat down to answer the phones to try to help out. But there really should be more than two people in there, it is so busy.

typing at desk

I turned 18 right before summer and so I have started looking for dental assisting jobs. The plan was that I would just work for part of the summer anyway so I will finish out next month and  will have saved up enough from my pay checks for my dad to help me buy a car.  I only have a few units left to finish  my Senior year and am hoping  to graduate in December so I can work my way into a full time job somewhere else. I keep looking over at that empty desk and wonder if Jack’s mom is ever coming back.

desk empty corner

 My summer has definitely not turned out to be the way Laurie and I imagined it would be. So much for having the summer off! Jack and I are almost done with our Soaring lessons. We have been faithfully going every Saturday. Sometimes we spend the night in Corona at a motel or we have even camped in a tent at Lake Elsinore. My instructor Glen is so sweet. He is about fifty and from Scotland. He has this great accent and everytime he greets me he says; “Top of the morning!” Instead of hello. So I had a tee shirt made for him and plan to give it to him when I finally solo. Jack is talking about buying a plane. He made friends with an older man named Steve who flies at the Glider Port. He already has a power license and his solo license . He has talked to Jack about maybe buying one together as co-owners. We met him a few weeks ago to look at one in Hemet but it is just a one seater. But that is just fine with me. The plan is that they will take turns sharing it, every other weekend.


glidersI know that I can’t suggest it until we have both soloed, because I want to finish what I started. But I really have no desire to do anything more than to maybe say that I actually soloed.  I was hoping that Jack might make some friends of his own so that I can hang out with my friends. They are beginning to get annoyed and Laurie wants me to help her move to her dorms. I am not sure how to bring it up. I am sure he is going to feel that I don’t want to be with him but that’s not it at all. I just want to be with my friends too.

friends talking at a round table