Oh I must say that I have never felt this way. I feel as if I am walking around in an absolute fog. Every thought I have comes out like poetry. I never thought that I could feel this way. I am head over heels in love. Though I think that I make absolutely no sense at all! My mind is is fuzzy and I feel as if I am on some drug that won’t let me come down! Not that I want to! But I do have finals coming up and I need to study. Oh my!
I find myself doodling his name and trying to smell him on my skin, and to memorize how he feels on my finger tips. His voice causes a thousand goose bumps to pour over me like a warm bath. I feel as if I am walking inches above the ground. I must say that I am rather annoyed with myself. Where in the world has my brain gone?! I demand to know!
I didn’t really want to like a boy right now. I wasn’t even looking. Least of all I didn’t want the stress of it being Laurie’s older sister’s ex boyfriend. That really has complicated things with us and she does not seem happy about it at all. I am not sure what to do about it. But I’m kind of in too deep right now, and to be honest, I don’t want to stop seeing him. Well at least Mrs. T seems happy for us. Though I have a feeling I kind of helped her out of a mess, with Maddie coming home with a Fiance’ and all.
Well lets see, I guess I left off here when I invited Jack in. My parents were out of town and I’d planned to spend the night at Laurie’s but she’d gone out and somehow we ended up at my house. Jack started a fire and we sat by it for a long time and talked for what seemed like hours. I truly feel as if I have known him for years. At least, I know more about him than I’ve ever known about any other boy. All the other boys just talked about surfing or their jobs but Jack talks about his feelings and his childhood and I feel as if he wants me to see inside off him. Now I know what seeing someone’s heart is like.
He kept telling me how pretty I was and playing with my hair. When I would talk he’d tuck his hand under my neck and kept brushing my bangs back from my face and then finally he pulled me to him and we began kissing. I really never thought I liked kissing as much. The other boys who I’ve kissed before were so clutzy but Jack held my face in his hands and slowly kissed every part of my mouth as if he were painting a picture. It was almost as if we were dancing and I followed his lead and kissed him back the same way.
When he pulled off his shirt my heart started beating. I was hoping that he wasn’t expecting me to take mine off! I loved feeling his skin and the muscles in his back as I stroked it as he lay hard against me We just touched a lot and kissed and talked and finally went up to my room. We fell asleep talking but he got up and went home before dawn because our neighbors would have reported anything else to my mom. But nothing happened. Well, maybe more than I’ve ever done before. I haven’t even kissed anyone like that ever before. But Jack respected me, even if I hadn’t stopped him, I am sure he would have stopped himself. When he got up to leave he kissed my head. Oh my sweet Journal, I think that I love him! What am I going to do?