I hold my breath
as I let you in
My heart beats fast
as we begin
to do the dance
that we always do
as i am filled
with all that’s you
Jack called and we went out again “just to talk” and ended up parking on top of a hill in Palos Verdes Estates, over looking the city lights. I didn’t tell Laurie because lately, she always seems miffed when I talk about Jack. My parents were out of town and I was supposed to spend the weekend at Laurie’s but she had to do something so I just told her I was going to spend Friday night at home. Nothing happened. Well not at first.
His childhood sounds so sad and his mom sounds like a real piece of work. I was sure that I was going to cry when he told me some of the horrible stuff that she did to him. He said that I am so easy to talk to and he didn’t bring up Maddie once. I don’t want to be a rebound for him. I wasn’t really looking for a boyfriend this year. In fact, I am not sure that I want one even now but I do have to tell you that he kissed me!
The whole time we were up there alone, he was such a gentleman. But when he took me home, we sat in the car and talked some more and then he reached over and took my face in his hands and slowly touched his lips to mine. I’ve kissed boys before, but this was so different. It was as if he was thinking about me the whole time he was kissing me. His eyes never left mine. I’ve never been kissed like that before. And then he walked me to the door and was going to leave but I have to admit I wanted more. I invited him in.
You trace the sand with your finger
as my heart follows close behind.
I listen to your words and breathe you in
as my soul watches for some kind of sign…
I can’t help wondering if God sent you,
as I notice your blue eyes.
I breathe in everthing about you,
as I begin to realize…
Ive lost my stable footing
the ground is not so solid after all.
I think I’m slipping into the hole of love
Please…. don’t mind me as I fall!
Well it is official. I am not sure what I would call it but Jack told me that he really likes me! Laurie’s not thrilled. I can tell. There is something that she is not saying. As you recall, I told you that Jack was Laurie’s older sister, Maddie’s old boyfriend. So I told her that if she knew something that she thought that I should know to spill it! But she says there’s nothing. She just keeps telling me to be careful. Maybe she is worried that Jack will take away from our time together but she is getting ready for college and has been so busy lately anyway.
The other day Jack surprised me by picking me up at school on his motorcycle. He even had an extra helmet waiting for me! I called my mom and told her I’d be late. I never really lied but I didn’t tell her exactly what I was doing. I liked riding behind him and holding on to him. At first I kept my distance but as we turned corners I held on tighter and he seemed to lean back into me more, so by the end of our ride, I was scooted right up next to him and he didn’t seem to mind at all. That night we went out just to talk and ended up walking for miles on the beach because the red tide was in and we wanted to see it. The air was so warm the whole time we were there and we both had shorts on so waded in as deep as we could go without getting too wet as the florescent waves played around us. It was all very romantic.
We raced back and I won! I am sure he let me, but we ended up falling down laughing. We layed on the bare sand, still warmed from the day’s sun and talked some more about our dreams and goals and opinions on nothing and everything. He kept trickling sand on different parts of my body until it was covered and then he’d brush it off. I could tell he wanted more and so did I but he never did more than hold my hand or put his arm around me as we walked.
We stopped at his place to get his spitfire so he could drive me home in his car and stopped for hamburgers at Bob’s Big Boy before he took me up the hill. We ate our hamburgers and split a chocolate shake. I don’t think any food I’ve eaten has ever tasted quite as good!
Laurie and I went with Mrs. T to UCLA today. It was so fun. We walked around the campus and she showed us all around since she graduated from that school and Laurie will be going there next year. I still don’t know what I am going to do without her at school everyday but I am excited for her. Laurie was in kind of a bad mood all day. I am not sure if it is because I was late this morning or because she is a little scared to be going off to college or maybe it was because we ran into Jack.
Matt left his wallet in Jack’s car last night and so on our way out of town, Mrs. T ran by the gas station where Jack works to pick it up. He seemed really happy to see me and I guess Laurie thought that I acted a little to happy to see him.
Mrs. T kept joking about it and Laurie kind of snapped at her. That really kind of messed up the mood for a while but after we walked around, Mrs T took us to Hamburger Hamlet which she said was the exact one she went to when she was our age. It was fun to hear about her memories and by the end of lunch, Laurie was laughing too!
I still am not sure why she doesn’t seem to like Jack but we are just friends and I am not sure what the big deal is.
Well, we went sailing. My dad really wasn’t too happy about it when he came home and I asked him if I could go. He said he saw small craft warnings earlier that morning. I was afraid he wasn’t going to let me go…but I talked him into it. I am not sure why I cared because both Laurie and my dad were not happy at all about me going but Jack looked so sad the other night and seemed happy when I said I’d go. I didn’t want to disappoint him. He’d had enough of that lately.
Anyway there were thirty mile per hour Santa Ana winds and we got tossed around pretty good Matt’s girlfriend Sara got pretty sick and even I kind of felt a little green by the time that we finally made it to dry land. I usually am the one who can ride any ride at any fair without a problem but this was different.
Though Jack was amazing. He knew just what to do. He even found me a pay phone right away! I knew my dad would be worried and he was so sweet to think of that first thing. Mat and Jack got the boat back on the trailer while Sara and I sat in the car with blankets and the heater blasting.
Jack talked me into getting out of my wet pants so that they could dry off. He was a complete gentleman. He dropped Matt and Sara off first so that he could take me home last. We talked for about two hours sitting in the driveway. He is so sad about Maddie. I was happy to be there as a friend for him and let him talk as long as he wanted to… that is… until my dad flashed the porch light and I had to go in.
It is Easter break and part of the deal of getting to be in Mrs. Walker’s class is having to write in you daily. That’s okay though I kind of like it. She says she won’t read what I write but just check for new content from where I last left off and just initial each new entry.
So anyway I’m not sure what to write about but here goes…
I met a boy today, at my best friend Laurie’s. He was working on his boat in their driveway. I guess he is or was Laurie’s sister’s Maddie’s old boyfriend. The thing is, Maddie is away at school and will be coming home this summer with her fiance. Jack is waiting to win her back. Laurie’s mom, Mrs T let him work on his boat in their driveway before Maddie dropped the bomb about the fiance. Poor Jack. Poor Mrs. T.
Laurie and I spent the day at the beach today. We showered at my house and then went to Laurie’s to spend the night. Mrs. T made her famous lasagna. Jack joined us. He really is very nice and kind of cute. He seemed so sad. I guess Mrs. T broke the news to him about Maddie. Maybe that is why she invited him to stay.
He didn’t talk a lot, though he said he’d almost finished working on his boat. I was kind of surprised when Mrs T suggested that we all go sailing. It really caught me off guard and I didn’t know what to say so I nodded, but Laurie barely missed a beat and said that she got sea-sick after I already said I’d go. Grrrr… Now I have to go without her and with her bratty little brother Matt (who I can’t stand) might I add and his girlfriend.