You know who you are when I say that I feel that you have become more than readers but… “forever friends” through this excercise of sharing my journals. I have watched those of you read and comment throughout this project and I am forever grateful. I GET how time consuming it is to stick with something like this and I hope to someday figure out a way to pay you all back!
This idea was brought to life by my talented and published author friend Debbie: http://dgkayewriter.com/ who has mentored me through it all as she has published one book and in the throws of introducing another! Thank you Deb!!! Whether you want the credit or not! It was very therapeutic and hopefully it has given me some good material for my own book with a whole different twist that I probably wouldn’t have thought of without your suggestion!
If you have been following me through the 70+ entries I have made here I will never be able to tell you how full my heart is that you faithfully have gone on this daily journey with me, chronicling my journal entries. My purpose for this blog was to allow those who ask…. “Why did you stay?” A peek into the convoluted and raw emotions that someone going through abuse feels. Though the question may be rhetorical and you never expected a response. THIS account is as much of an explanation as I might hope to give. It is not just one thing. It is a bundle of things that cause those of us who have been abused to remain with our abusers and give second chance after second chance. It is not to berate someone for staying but to climb into their situation with them and to help them feel not so alone.
If you are just finding this blog, you might want to go back to the very beginning to find the story of Keri and Jack to understand. It has taken me a little over a half a year to get it written. It is written for all to see how subtley we can lose pieces of ourselves trying to save someone else.
It is also hopefully a wake up call for those who might see themselves still in their own relationships, still giving second chances. My story is not over. My abuser came back years later to find me and ask for forgiveness. I need to still figure out a way to sensitively share that part of my story. It is a crazy web we weave…. in the choices we make. Even later in life. We can excuse our youth as being inexperienced and innocent as we dumbly give our power away. But I was blindsided that this person still had power over me to almost throw away everything I’d built one more time.
Abuse is all relative. We never really get over the past. But we can be empowered by the lessons we learn and even be glad for the mistakes we make if they cause us to grow.
Love you all,
PS: I will return here from time to time to write the poetry I need for my book. When I write it on my other blog. People get confused and think that it is something I am going through NOW. Kind of another reason I created this blog. I needed a place to go to still find the pain and write about it. A place where people who know me here would understand. But to not confuse people in my current blog. So I “WILL” be back to write the poetry that I will include in my book so don’t unfollow me just yet!